How To Remove Yourself From A Toxic Relationship…Without Seeing A Therapist

Have you ever attempted to remove yourself from a toxic relationship whether it was platonic or romantic but failed miserably? Or, perhaps, you were successful for a while but reverted back to the same old ways?

What does a toxic relationship mean to you?

The phrase “toxic relationship” is comprised of two prominent words- “toxic” and “relationship”.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, toxic is “ poisonous; relating to or caused by poison; very bad, unpleasant, and harmful” ; whereas, relationship is “ the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected; an emotional and sexual association between two people ”.

Now, think again what “toxic relationship” means in terms of your current situation?

Was there someone specific that instantly appeared in your thoughts the moment this
phrase was iterated?

If you are still unsure, ask yourself the following questions…
● Do you instantly fall in love with a person without really knowing them?
● Is there one person who is constantly on your mind and appears in your
dreams every night?
●Does your mood depend solely on if your love interests contacts you today?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are accumbent to emotional dependence which is the internal emptiness you feel when you abandon yourself.

Your expectation is for your partner (platonic or romantic) to fill your self-created void and provide a feeling of safety and love.

The bottom line is if you believe that you are in a relationship with someone that affects your happiness and success, it is important to take action to remove yourself from the situation immediately before any long-term, permanent detriments affect you.


Photo by Jacalyn Beales on Unsplash

Psychopathic Toxic Personality

Psychopaths are “very effective at masking themselves from those they wish to manipulate or con”.

Not all partners in a relationship have psychopathic personalities, but the majority of them are.

Some characteristics of psychopaths are…
● Imposing
● Impulsive
● Pretentious
● Resplendent
● Superficial
● Conceited
● Self-centered
● Self-obsessed
● Deceitful
● Self-absorbed

It is next to impossible for psychopaths to be in touch with their emotional feelings as they have issues accepting personal responsibility acknowledging when they are wrong, even in the simplest scenarios.

They crave acceptance from others and attention but will never disclose their need for approval.

At this point, you are probably asking yourself: “Why would anyone in their right mind want to befriend a person such as this?”

The answer is simple: they entice people. Think of them as the luxury, sports cars of manipulators. Although they will never admit it, they intensively concerned with how people label them identity-wise.

If they discover they are being labeled a personality other than their desired identity type, they will do whatever it takes to redeem themselves.

5 Steps for Removing Yourself From A Toxic Relationship

Acknowledge you are in denial

Similar to any pressing issue or addiction, the first and most important step to getting yourself out of this toxic relationship is admitting you are in denial.

As everyone is different, this is the hardest step if you are unable to come to terms with this; however, there is a silver lining.

If you are able to focus on a few key realities, this helps immensely in recognizing denial.

For example, can you authentically admit to yourself that you feel obligated to be around this person? Or, do you feel a tinge of energy whenever you are around this person?

If you can genuinely answer these questions, this is a good sign as you are being 100% honest with yourself. This is a sign of you moving in the right direction.

Journal Your Feelings

Every morning you wake up, your mind is flooded with thoughts ranging from things to add to your grocery shopping list or errands to fulfill that day, what you are going to make for breakfast, texting that specific individual back, etc.

Our mind is beautiful chaos.

To start your morning off right, dedicate approximately 10 minutes to journaling. Start with the first page being a “garbage page”. This page has no rules and can be as completely unorganized as you desire with words strewn everywhere, perhaps even in different colors.

One this is done, you’ll notice your mind is clearer allowing for an organized thinking space.

Now, write your feelings out. It is extremely hard to keep track of your feelings on a daily basis. This is a task to not get lazy about.

It helps you to review a physical notebook documenting your past feelings towards this toxic relationship you are in. It keeps you sane. It reminds you that the sacrifice of this relationship will do you wonders in the long-run, emotionally and psychologically.

I will add…it is NEVER easy to exit a relationship that consumes your entire being; however, that’s when you know it’s time when you are putting that person above your own needs.

Once you completely remove yourself from this toxic relationship (which I know you will), you can either keep the journal to remind you why you left the relationship or you can burn it.

Burning something allows a sense of freedom within yourself. You are letting go of the past and truly moving forward with no regrets. You are eliminating negative energy that once served you.

Tend to the Void.

Your relationship is something that is (or was) a huge part of you.

You watched TV together after work. You went to each other’s’ houses for holidays to have family dinners. Perhaps, you lived together. You go grocery shopping together. You did EVERYTHING with that person.

To fill this emptiness and to transition to the single life with ease, it is important to keep busy.

Distract yourself with things.

Remember…
● that website you wanted to launch but never got around to it? Do.
● that exotic vacation you wanted to go on but never booked it? Go.
● that book you wanted to start writing but didn’t feel empowered enough? Write.
● that yoga class you wanted to go to but chose to spend time with your partner?
Meditate and join.
● that childhood friend you wanted to connect with but your relationship was
hindering you? Date for fun.

It is hard at first, but once you fill your schedule up from morning to evening, it becomes easier. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Don’t expect your heart to be mended in one day.

There are endless options you can participate in to distract your mind off one person.

Subsequently, don’t mistake tears for weakness. Did you know that crying releases toxins and stress? Put on “Let It All Go” by Birdy & Rhodes and let it out.

Seek External Help
From Your Support System

Look to your friends and family as they are the ones who will be there for you at the end of the day.

Search for good influences, not naysayers. Rely on people who want to truly see you shine and at your best.

The people that came into your mind as you were reading this is who you should be reaching out to.

What makes seeking external help from your stable support system beneficial is the fact that it aids in organizing your thoughts as you receive optimal, soothing advice.

Relax.
It’s Now Your #1 Priority

Toxic relationships are tiring. They drain you of energy that you could have put towards something productive for yourself.

Yes, it’s good to distract yourself; however, it is also good to have a balance between keeping busy and relaxing your mind, body, and soul from its traffic of thoughts.

Designate “me” time. Let your mind heal. Do whatever is necessary for you to recharge whether it may be a movie and wine day, a beach yoga session, or retail therapy.

If you can rid yourself of a toxic relationship, you can get through anything life throws at you.

What steps have you taken to free yourself from that psychopathic relationship?

If you have loved ones in similar situations, share this article with them to let them know you are thinking of them!

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